I love you...

WARNING: I BITCH A LOT IN THIS ENTRY.

2003-11-23T00:02:00.000-05:00

So i had this nervous breakdown today.. and i saw ashley. and she made me happier.. yet uncomfortable at her work cz i was crying and it was weird.. and then some ppl fucked me over twice this weekend.. which is always cool..

and the boy thing still makes me wanna cry.. and still does.. which yea its been like two weeks or something but it sucks and ahh..

im an idiot.

But yea. cant stop obsessing over certain stuff.. and i think about it so much it makes me ill. and i keep getting dizzy which isnt helping anything other then making shit worse when i come back to reality.. so i guess i need to do something about all this shit that decided to start happening all of a sudden causing life to be shit. insteading of getting fucked up and trying to pretend nothing is wrong.

dont you ever get sick of pretending you like people when inside you wanna tell them there a fcuking twat.. yea well im sick of being nice and cute.. it doesnt get me anywhere other then in big boy at 9:30 on a sat night crying on ashley's shoulder.. people as a whole suck testicles

and then theres this guy.. who likes to be a fucking twat.. and call me a whore. slut. bitch. cunt. etc.. because he has no self esteem and needs to act big and bad when inside hes just a worthless piece of shit.. with a ugly car that attempts to justify his lack of balls... im not saying who it is because even though he is a piece of shit and has a personlality of a rock im not going to annouce it to the world.. we'll let em figure it out.. and if you think its you.. it is... so lets have chat?

So this weekend sucked.. as did the one prior.. and the one prior to that.. but hey.. what can you do..

-me.

A '?' Mark

2003-11-17T01:50:00.000-05:00

i got a question mark
a got a need to always take some shoot in the dark
i don't have to make pretend the picture i'm in is totally clear
you think that all things have a way they ought to appear
'cos you know you know you know you know
you know you know you know you know you know
i don't
i dream
don't know what you mean
panic called you out and took you in
giving you an easy game and letting you win
you're giving back a little hatred now to the world
'cos it treated you bad
'cod you couldn't keep the great unknown from making you mad
'cos you know you know you know you know
you know you know you know you know you know
i don't
i dream
don't know what you mean
said your final word, but honesty and love could've kept us together
one day you'll see it's worth it after all
if you ever want to say you're sorry you can give me a call

Think..

2003-11-04T20:23:00.000-05:00

O O O O Yea.

So i've come to the conclusion that all my relationships end up fucking smashing into sharp, jagged rocks.. Ain't that cute.

And wait, along with coming to that conclusion i've also relize how boys are suck and how no matter what you may think they will always will be.

Is there a word for people who are afraid of relationships. ...phobia?

So yes immmmmmm hate hate hating boys right now.. Like the hate where you dont eat, sleep or talk to anyone other than best friend hate.. yea that one. So i think im gonna keep this hating game up..

Im going to go eat lots of unhealthy food. not do my homework and than go to bed.. and i dont think im gonna go to bio or band tommorow.. just not in the mood.

Nice.

-ashlee

ps- you like the new diary, thought it was time.